I have a long list of things that I need to do to my future teenage child.

->When she/he*wink* is going out the house with a friend or so, I wait, until they are still in shouting range but kinda still far away and THEN! I YELL! "*insert name here* YOU FORGOT YOUR TAMPONS!!"

That would be funny. For the boy as well. Heh heh heh.

->When I give he/she and sex talk, play let's talk about sex song" or the one where he says we're nothing about mammals in the background.

Ok the list isn't very long but in time, it will grow. It will grow. Beware my future children. Beware.